I'd like first to thank everyone for coming today. This funeral won't be easy to get through without some blubbering and voice cracking. Today we mourn the loss of my chances to win $5.6 million in MLB.com's Beat the Streak. It was taken away from me, from you, way too soon at the hands of a cold blooded killer. He wears the color of blood to mock his victims and gets paid handsomely for his work. This man's name is Allen Thomas Craig. He will get off scot-free for his crimes, crimes that deprive all of us of joy. I will be taking today off from Beat the Streak in memoriam of what could have been. Those still playing BTS, look at this picture and remember it. Commit this image to memory so you don't make the same mistakes I did. Don't let the .105 hitting madman Allen Thomas Craig take from you what he took from me. Thank you all, good day.
Wow, that was depressing. But yeah, fuck that Allen Craig guy. I was ready to say the same about the Detroit Tigers yesterday as Max Scherzer and Al Alburquerque pissed away a first inning, four run lead. A seven run 11th inning saved you from that vitriolic rant and put me at a nice green W1. I stay in the American League Central division for today's pick. The Kansas City Royals are only 5-5 in their last ten games but have won three in a row. They send James Shields to the mound to take on the Yankees. Shields went 3-1 in August including a shutout against the Giants. The Yankees have been better as of late and have had mixed results against Big Game James. They were only able to scratch out one unearned run in a June loss, but bombarded the Royals ace for six runs in a win a little over a week ago. This one game is a perfect appetizer for the main course this weekend. That delectable meal will be a double dip of $10,000 stunts on both Saturday and Sunday. A whole lot of football could mean a whole lot of green. If you aren't playing Streak for the Cash, what the hell is wrong with you!? If you are, get into the Official Bleeding Your Colors streak group We Going Streaking (password: dundies) today and streak with us!
Image Credits: BTS Tombstone (tombstonebuilder.com), Allen Craig (mlb.com), Streak pick (espn.com)